ARTTL:- Vol 3 Chapter 7

(ARTTL Vol 3 Chapter 7)

“No.” Suddenly my hand got a bit feeling warm. “I am very happy.”

I blankly stared at my own hand that grasped by his hand.

“I am very happy, is been so long…for your first time willingly open your mouth to ask me what you want…” He obviously has a fluently thin mouth that good at explaining stuff, but always performed quite clumsily “I am really happy….really…”

I swallowed, completely is beyond my expectation, suddenly got baffled also don’t know how to answer. Hand on his hot hand, strong and have a warm feeling, heart immediately pumping non-stop.

Being nervously with my sullen face stared at him, and then suddenly came out a relaxed and clear male voice at my ears “Hey, so coincidence.”

Turned head and looked, saw a face that hold between a teen’s expression and slightly awkward expression, it is really handsome and elegant, got a bit familiar. I thought for a moment, it is indeed one of the boy that often come out and in in Lu Feng’s place, I have seen them not more than once that they both of them panting on the sofa at the living room, probably is one of the young lover that get doted most by Lu Feng.

Lu Feng removed his hand, I also hurriedly grabbed on the knife and fork, bowed to and continue eat my food.

“What it is?”

“Just a moment ago, I want to find you, yet your handphone is off,” that man’s voice is calm and nature, his sound also very good to listen, doesn’t make people feel annoyed at all “Is it convenient right now? Just trouble few minute only.”

“Well” Lu Feng looked at me a while, stood up “We go over there.”

The man laughed “You nervous for what ah, there is nothing to be avoid bah.” While laughed, he leaves with Lu Feng to another side.

No matter what it is, I disturb them when they are talking to each other. The fact is very obvious, I can't help feeling awkward.

That little joyful at the beginning had quickly disappeared.

Lu Feng very soon came back, looked very calm, it is just that between our conversations, he carefully watched at my expression. His’s guilty conscience also makes me feel somehow uncomfortable.

I almost forgot Lu Feng’s charm. Although he is same like me, above forty years old, yet it is better than me who is this everyday being lost and blurred old man don’t know how much.

Based on his condition, want to attract number of young beautiful of men and women, it is a very easy job to do.

What can I overhead myself for.

*****

Pay for the bill, went into the elevator, looking at the night scene through the glass at below the foot coming nearer, unworthy feeling dizzy, hurriedly taken a step back.

“Still so early, want to go anywhere to take a walk?”

I sniffed “I think I want to go back.”

“Okay.” He also no longer insisted, the elevator that doesn’t have any third person remain silence, my sound of sniffing is shamefully very obvious.

“What happen?”

“A little feel cold…” I faltered, really want to beat myself, but my nose that turn sour is out of control.

A piece of soft handkerchief handed in front of me “use this first.”

“Thank, thank you.”

This time is great, quietly suction the nose turn into something not gentle at all, loud until become like shamefully blew out the nose.

I almost overwhelmed by my own strong sense of self-disgust, plus my stomach also being disappointed growl out some sound.

Gastric is not good, food slightly cooler a bit, food that is hard to chew a bit, then it will easily enter gas. Beside this terrible thunder sound, inside stomach also began to burst into twisted pain, if not I patiently to restrain, then I am afraid that the next thing it will busily burst out the gas.

In this kind of space that only exist two people, the embarrassment level is can be imagine out.

“Stomach not feeling well?”

Although never able to find any teasing expression from his face, yet I had already feeling ashamed until my front sight is totally black.

Like me who is still premature yet already aging kind of old man….

*****

Until got into his car, I keep my head down feeling awkward, try the best to reduce my own existence, can’t wait to shrink into a burst of smoke, wind blew then it will scattered around, better than being a disgrace.

“Wait for a while, I will immediately come back.”

Car suddenly stopped at the roadside, I don’t understand so I nodded, looks at him open the door and went out.

When he came back, a bag of stuff stuffed inside his palm handed in front of me.

“Not feeling well then must remember to eat medicine.”

Really want to laugh at my lack of own point, but this box of gastric medicine really make me feel flattered, heart again not listen to the order and start jumped up.

Before that never notice it out, and now calm down, at this seal place, then will feel got this vaguely light aroma, able to make people feel comfortable.

“This kind of smell very good.”

“You mean the perfume I use?” He smiled.

“Not sure…” I also not sure it is the aroma from his body or the car’s refreshing scent.

He smiled and pointed at his own neck, hinted me to go near to confirm it “You try to smell, if you like then I will give you.”

I carefully go near him, ‘sniff sniff’, like a small animal sniffing around.

“It is this one?....” He smiled and turned around, the sound came to an end.

Both of our faces accidentally closed up, the tip of the nose almost touch to each other, it is only because of this coincidence and surprise of look at each other, hence none of us also don’t have any further action.

Inside my nasal cavity is full of his warm and clean atmosphere, in fact near too close make me cannot see his eyes, the vision only full of warm black, it seems like if getting a little more closer, then can feel his long and slender eyelashes.

This distance make me completely dizzy until paralysis, hand and feet become tension due to cold, yet my chest feel like burning till it hot. Just move forward a bit, just move forward a bit then will touch his…

When I desperate taking all my courage to go over him that time, he suddenly move back and straighten his back, move his head aside.

Failed.

I embarrassed stiffed, luckily he began to concentrate to start the car, and never look at me again, also never notice my expression that is full of sorry.

Both of us didn’t spoke to each other on the following road, I dully bowed down looked at my hand that put on my leg, and he wholeheartedly drove the car.

*****

Reach to the downstairs at the apartment,  get down from the car, say thanks to him, and then grabbed the medicine that he gave, alone climb on the staircase.

The surrounding seems to be very quiet, at the front of the door repeatedly groping around for the key, eyes got a little feel warm.

Never on the spot fell tears in front of him, it is really so lucky.

What am I disappointing for? Shouldn’t simply looking forward to it at the first place, luckily never completely make a fool of myself, really must thanks his immediately withdraw.

Been explore up and down of my whole body for a long time, only to find out the key gone don’t know to where. Being speechless just dazed, got a feel like sudden leakage inside the house at night time.

Being foolishly standing also not a way, thought a while, still have to look around is there any locksmith in the area or not.

Went down the staircase, saw the familiar car is still there. Got taken a back and look at the man inside the car, he opened the car and get down, smiled and said “Waiting you to on the light, why suddenly come down?”

“The key went missing.”

“Like this….” He paused, looked at the sky and again looked at me, “It seems like going to rain soon, why not go to my house first, and then tomorrow only find someone to unlock the door.”

*****

Have no idea is what kind of mood, and again enters back to his car. Although the mood is very down, but due to his thoughtfully waiting at the downstairs make me happy again.

However the slightly excitement doesn’t last that, I had clearly aware that, along the road he been carefully to keep a distance with me, even the most light physical contact also been avoided.

Very polite, but being so distant and stranger.

Probably, is that he aware of my shameful intentions at that time.

How comical I had existed ah.

Very shitty hold on my sense of shame-ness makes me really want to open the door and escape. Perhaps will be killed along the driveway, but it will confirm better than now.

*****

Once enter to his house, tea also no need to drink, he just quickly being politely took me to a comfortable guest room. Things is very complete, there is nothing to be pick, the hospitality treat is truly cannot be better than this, and simply perfect.

He being a master being until like this, how can I be not satisfied with it.

I had endured very hard, yet he is still patiently repeatedly question himself what else is missing in here.

By all means heap with a smile answered very good very good totally good enough and thank you for your hospitality, yet the smiled slowly and slowly barely to hold on.

Actually I really want to cry. Don’t know is it because become old so crying point also become low, the eyes had been secretly wet for several times during on the road.

Really becoming too useless.

Is it not easy for wanting to give up?

“If you want to drink something, can call the servant to come, there is also a small refrigerator at the bedside….”

“Ok.” I vaguely, back against him “I know…I am tired, want to rest, Can…you go out first?”

Behind of me quietly a while, just listen him with a little hesitant said “is it” and then the sound of footsteps walked to the door.

*****

Once the sound of the door closed, I then relaxed, the disappointed moment in front of my eyes blurred into a piece, hurried pulled out the handkerchief that he gave and wiped away those uncontrolled snot.

Being ugly showed out also not a matter, since he won’t able to see it.

Even if he saw it, also not a matter, since it won’t be any different.

That place inside the chest already been filled with rejected.

Think back little brother’s disappointed expression at outside the car, Qin Lang who appear smiled when send me off, Wen Yang who every time being patiently said “if got time then come back”, Zhou Lan who hair turned almost white in only these two years.

These entire people that I had hurt….

Yet I never hold any responsible toward them.

Me who make Zhou Lan disappointed, me who make Wen Yang can’t lift his head up……Me who is totally cannot consider as a husband or father….Me who desperately begging to stay with that man and make them sad….Me who cannot talk any strength or self-esteem.

Why when got bullet hit that time, never immediately go die?

After woke up only left such a weak and overawed, a man that is no use at all…

Already old and also ugly, brain and body already almost broken, even to support myself also cannot do, used up all my effort also cannot maintain a small bookshop.

After all, what is the use?

Will only make everyone feel tired….Will only become trouble for everyone…

Yet still thick-face to continue live on it.

Because still hold some expectation toward him.

Those sweet and flowery words, although it is not trustable, just based by listening, will also feel whole body get back a bit of strength.

It seem even I am very useless, although it is a very horrible man, it is doesn’t matter at all.

Insist to rely on the idea of daydreaming, also can live happily.

But I had forgotten, that I am not in the age of category to think about love and feeling kind of thing, also don’t have such capacity.

Over the past few years, once have that aura and spirit, already grinded until clean and neat, that one that considered as quick-witted, the Cheng Yi Cheng that still got some people who love him, already no shadow left.

The fact that is very obviously showed, why want to wait so long only willing to admit it.

It is obviously this thing shouldn’t be thinking, yet why still don’t want to give up and eagerly to look forward to it?

The End.

*****

Suddenly got questioned “How you going to celebrate your christmas by my siblings.”

My answer “At home, with computer, I think so….:D”

Alright till then.

The current me right now is like K.O...ZzzzZzzzZ~!!