ARTTL:- Vol 2 Chapter 11

(ARTTL Vol 2 Chapter 11)

No matter how Yi Cheng refused to stay at hospital, he rather stay at home, perhaps like this, there won’t have any sense of disabled feeling, can lie to himself that perhaps he is too tired, legs numb and mobility inconvenience only.

There is one night I change shift with Qin Lang. Qin Lang is too tired, by taking care of him day and night, monitor him, what Yi Cheng want, where he want to go, Qin Lang insist on holding him to go.

We lay side to side on the bed inside the room, I hugged him, able to feel that he lost his temperature due to his cold legs. He cannot be like how the winter time, hugged me and provide warm for me.

“Yi Cheng, you will be alright.” I put his head into my arms, this is how he last time used to do on me, although he is the younger brother.

“Qin Lang keep on contact with the doctor from Tokyo, wait you guys went to Tokyo, legs will eventually recover…”

He just gently “En” only, his slender body being motionless in my arms, his back is like a child, curled up.

I touched his trembling short hair “Confirm will recover, you don’t be afraid….Brother will stay with you, until you recover…”

Little brother never says anything, the strength that hugged my back become even strong. His warm face firmly attached to my chest, is like putting that kind of heat into my heart.

Yi Cheng, is it something you want to say?

“I am not afraid.” He said slowly. “Is just that I am not used to it, legs become not like mine, no matter how I hit it also don’t have reaction, even bleeding also won’t feel pain…Very weird, clearly it is one part of your body, but don’t have any little connection with you. Last time it is a very useful thing, but now become a burden…Brother….I don’t want a leg that cannot move…I don’t want it anymore…”

“Why saying bullshit word.” I busy put my hand on his legs. “How it can be useless, said already will recover. Oh ya, is it frequently doing massage will help? I come help you…”

I also know that just simply pattern of massage, actually it is not help at all. Just that time, nobody also have idea what to do, everyone also feel so loss. The only thing I can do for him, is just during the winter night wrap him into my arms, endured my tears and use strength to rub his leg that numb, only like that.

“Brother.” His body suddenly tightens together.

“Yes?” I still being in vain pressed his thigh that have no longer reaction, heart felt emptied.

“No need massage anymore.”

I tilted up my head to look at him, little brother widely open his eyes look on top, wry smile, hoarse voice said “Brother, don’t touch anymore.”

I don’t know what to do and stare at my clumsy hand “Don’t matter much, Yi Cheng, although it doesn’t really help, however….after a long period, confirm…confirm it will be effective…now no feeling, is ok, future….future will definitely recover…”

“Is not like that.” Little Brother suddenly cut my sentences, his wry smile show even more clearly "I…”

I anxiously looked at him, hands still remain at the same place.

He continue stare at the sky, after a long while only close his eyes, looked at another side “Brother, put away your hand” His voice pressed along with the pillow weakly said out “….Brother….Take away. I can feel already.”

My hand as if got burn immediately retreat back, a kind of feel like got knocked from the back feeling dizzy.

I feeling helpless looked at my dear little brother. He buried his face into the pillow, refused to look at me, legs cannot move, only the upper body stubbornly twisted to avoid me, a despair posture.

“Yi Cheng”

……

“Yi Cheng….”

He again being difficulties back against me, not even moves a bit.

Actually you no need to feel miserable. I am your brother, from young till now, whatever you want, I don’t have one time also don’t give to you.

I slowly leaned to him and hugged him, closed my eyes and put my hand over him.

Little brother trembled terribly a while, but he did not push me away.

My palm that touched him, feel like a soldering iron. Feel like this mechanical movement of hand is not belongs to me.

Little brother final turned around, wrap around my waist, face tightly attached to my neck, can feel the hot touch.

I am in the surrounding of high temperature, already no long have the effort of thinking anymore.

I am sorry, Yi Cheng.

I also don’t know why I want to sorry, I just never have this kind of feel, feeling so guilty for you.

So have to use what kind of price in order to make us go back to the past.

*****

Morning saw Qin Lang, his eyes are full of bloodshot standing in the living room looked at me.

I nodded at him, without any word took my thing and went out.

Don’t know since when already set up this kind of pattern, he stay at house taking care of little brother, mom that inside the hospital, I will go take care. None of us don’t dare to tell her about little brother’s issue, who also don’t dare to think what is her reaction after knowing.

Since that day, Lu Feng been non-stop calling my phone, till I pulled out the sims card and throw away.

I do not mean to end, just want to escape. I need time to calm down, need time to forgive him, need time to sort these entire things that came out suddenly.

I never expect to see him inside the hospital, should be said is inside my mom’s ward saw him.

Saw mom’s expression that is  full of panic, I am almost in panic and rushed inside, straight push Lu Feng away that is standing in front of the bed “What you want to do?!!”

The one moment his face that is surprised suddenly dim down, I then only noticed he clumsily carrying a pile of gift that visit patient that is totally not like him, expression very awkward.

 “I came here to apologize for Yi Cheng’s issue.” He lightly looked at me.

My brain suddenly hum a ring, immediately turned around to see mom, she also looked afraid while looked back at me “Xiao Chen…He said Yi Cheng…Is it his mistaken something? Is it he come here to lie me, he….”

We are just like inside an uncontrolled car on the cliff, knowing what is waiting for us, but who also don’t have any way to stop, only can stand helpless toward the end that is rapidly speeding away.

*****

Mom insisted going back home, when she saw Yi Cheng that time, is seem that she is more calm than how she is in hospital, just that she got a bit feeling slow.

“Yi Cheng’s leg, really cannot move.” That night I hold her to her bed, gave her eat medicine, help her put blanket, she suddenly muttered to herself.

“Won’t, Qin Lang in Tokyo already found doctor for him…” I once again repeated the sentences I use to comfort little brother.

Not sure she got heard or not, just coldly looked at the window and then looked at me “Are you Xiao Chen?”

“Yes, mom.” I hold my tears.

“Why are you getting so thin…”

This is the last word, she said to me.

One whole night I slept with feeling cold and heat in the same time, keep on trembling, at dawn time, I went to wake up my mom, she laying face down, did not respond me.

“Mom?” I cried while keep shaking her, she already become stiff.

*****

Until finish settle the funeral, I am in confusion with no real sense, I feel like this is a non-logic fast paced of black and white dream. Mom had passed away, little brother’s legs are broken…All these things, is it happen on me?

I will never able to catch up my little brother when come to running, my little brother who running and waving on the stage, my little brother who being so proud told me he got his driver license…and also…mom who everyday call us at least once who hoping us to go home, mom that always nag yet knitted sweater for me, mom that will stand on the balcony whenever I go out and have to cross the road…

When did they disappear?

*****

Lu Feng find me, kept on talking to me, but I only can see his mouth moving, but could not tell what he is trying to say.

For a moment I even doubt myself who is this man.

“Xiao Chen, did you hear what I said? Your mom had passed away, you don’t be too sad…You come back with me, no one will interfere us from now on…”

….Yes, is him, this person, causing harm to Yi Cheng…Causing harm to my mom…

A cold feeling came up from my sole feet, make me shiver.

“Tomorrow is the deadline, I need to go to US to settle thing…I what also don’t want, just want to be with you, ok? You obediently stay here wait for me, don’t simply run around, you wait me come back to pick you….”

I blankly looked at his face.

Together? Now we can be together?

You think….We can go back like last time?

The End

*****

My head and heart is so pain...T..T

Repost at 30.11.2016 by ShaoYe